I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
