I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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