Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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