Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
