On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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