Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The air was thick with penises
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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