i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
