I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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