There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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