i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
