We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize