This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my sisters under your porch take her home
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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