I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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