**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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