Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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