I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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