I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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