where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
