i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
