Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
