can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
