if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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