I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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