Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
