tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
