Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize