Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
