Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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