Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
