Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
