Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
