so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
