If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You don't make any sense
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