How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
