I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
