It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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