How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
