just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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