Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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