Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
