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some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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