Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
