Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
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seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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