his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
