Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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