So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
