he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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