I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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