I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Randomize
