Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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