you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
