Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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