I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
