don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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