i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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