if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
