well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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