Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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