I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
