im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
