Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
