Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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