Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
