Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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