ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
