Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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