You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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