Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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