the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
