mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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