every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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