Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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