I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
