We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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