Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
