Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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