Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
