Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
