There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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